I opened Newtonville Books in 1998 and managed to establish it quickly as a notable force in the literary world. In 2007, I managed to sell the store. A year or so before selling it, I managed to fail it.

During the last couple of years of running the bookstore, the idea of failure seeped all around me. Every award, recognition and generous comment were stained for me and brought along the weight of what I perceived as an inevitable loss. All I could allow myself to see and own were the shortcomings of the store and my inability to push the bolder over the hill one more time. I managed my stress and mild depression with tremendous bouts of denial and alcohol. My passion for what I created slowly died, and it was taking with it the creation. It’s hard to miss those feelings and memories.

In the end, I did find the clarity to appreciate the significant value of the store, the reality of my situation and to nurture an important opportunity for a new life for the store. Still, much was lost in the transition of selling the store. There were clear failings on my part, and there were people let down in serious financial and psychological ways. There were also clear successes created by myself, my staff and the community of writers and readers who love Newtonville Books. With a year’s passing, I can own more fully what I accomplished and how I failed, as well as begin to learn about myself through those experiences.

But do I miss it? It’s a question asked often of me, and it’s a complicated, ever-shifting answer. Yes, I notice its absence in my life in many, significant ways. Yet, it is still there and is still a formidable presence in the literary world as well as in my personal life. I can walk by it, browse in it and feel good about what was created and what still stands connecting arts and literature to the community. To walk by it or to hear someone mention it does send a tinge of melancholy and pride through me. However, I do not miss it in the sense that I regret the absence of owning and running the bookstore. I fully appreciate the experience, and I fully appreciate that it is behind me.

What I do miss is creating energy and connecting people around things that excite me. To my surprise, I find that I miss writing the newsletter. Such an exercise was my way of connecting people around cool events, books of note and just things of interest. This is what led me to the idea for We Reckon. It is a way for me to exercise in that way again. It is We Reckon because I wanted it to be something Eliza and I did together. I also wanted it to be something that incorporated our friends in fun, enlightening ways that led us all to share and consider the things that matter in life. Hope you will enjoy and contribute.

Tim, tim@samuraiforhire.net